After a night of drinking, I go home with this guy I had casually slept with a couple times before. Previous instances of sex could never be completed due to an unfortunate male condition known as “whiskey dick.” MYSTERIOUSLY, his condition never appeared during rounds of BJs. To top it off, he had a soul patch – more like “this-is-the-only-fucking-place-on-my-face-I-can-grow-hair patch.” We ended up back in my room and before beginning the first minute of what was sure to be hours of ecstasy, and I decided to make a stop to the bathroom. When I re-entered my room, I was greeted by the most GOD.AWFUL. stench ever to reach my nostrils. It took everything I had not to vomit right there. I look at him tucked in my lovely, fluffy, clean bed…the hugest smile appears on his face as he begins to FLAP MY BED SHEETS UP AND DOWN while laughing and saying “Oh maaaan I REALLY had to fart.” I was unable to function due to shock and somehow managed to navigate through the cloud of sheer asshole and get into bed. Awkward groping began while that scene of him flapping my sheets replayed in my mind with the stench of 1000 rotting cabbages stuffed into dirty diapers still in my memory. Surprisingly, I couldn’t really get into it and even with gallons of lube at his disposal he offered a suggestion and asked- “Have you ever put it in there before?” and NODS at my back door. I declined, he urged.. and then i just turned over and pass out. I wish it was possible to burn memories.
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Comments ( 13 )
the soul patch and the massive fart in your bed were bad enough
but then the awkward groping and the attempt to get into your backdoorthat is truly a worst dude
what added these pithy words on
Nov 18 09 at
11:26 pm
That is sooo gross and so hilarious at the same time…buuh!
Emily added these pithy words on
Nov 19 09 at
3:51 am
Kat added these pithy words on 
Aros added these pithy words on I’m gagging and vomiting at the same time. I’m ga-vomiting..
Girl added these pithy words on
Nov 19 09 at
11:11 pm
Haha, you are by far one of the more intelligent ladies to post here.
MochiHoshi added these pithy words on
Nov 20 09 at
12:47 am
definitely one of the most hilarious entries I’ve come across.
sorry you experienced this, but at least it made (well, makes) for a good story, and a good shaming opportunity – for him, of course.
rs added these pithy words on
Nov 20 09 at
6:41 am
Sienna added these pithy words on Oh man.. I laughed SO HARD when I read your post!! How did you do it, girl? I have to give you props.. Still lmao!
Miranda added these pithy words on
Nov 20 09 at
3:24 pm
hahahaa
“definitely one of the most hilarious entries I’ve come across.
sorry you experienced this, but at least it made (well, makes) for a good story, and a good shaming opportunity – for him, of course.”
couldnt have said it better.
haha added these pithy words on
Nov 24 09 at
6:18 am
ROFLMAO @ flapping sheets & the stench of 1000 rotting cabbages stuffed in dirty diapers!!!!!!!
xO endo added these pithy words on
Nov 25 09 at
1:37 am
Ay, at least you’re earning good karma for this oh so charitable act (of letting him hit).
Charlie Baltimore added these pithy words on
Nov 29 09 at
12:59 am
Baby, just be happy that the comforter didn’t contain it long enough for him to trap you in a dutch oven!! ga-vomit on the fluffiness.
Skippy added these pithy words on
Nov 29 09 at
8:44 am
