Two months ago i met this young ass girl at a party. I was just standing there smoking and she comes up and starts talking to about the wine I’m holding. She’s drunk and kind of annoying but really hot. I walk her to her car and we make out a little, she wants to come home with me but I say “you’re drunk and really young. you should go home and call me tomorrow.” A week or so later, we eventually go out for drinks and she comes home with me that night. The conversation is abysmal and I finally just take her shirt off, suck on her tits for a minute and carry her to my bed. After some naked making out I realize this chick is brainless and probably accepts whatever rod is presented to her, so I say “I’m tired let’s go to sleep.” Well, you’ve heard of “whiskey dick” right? I have the opposite. I will knock a fucking hole in a wall after drinking the bourbon. So we go to sleep and I wake up to her saying “why is my butt all wet?” and I realize I have my cock in my hand, then she whines “gawwwwd there’s a river of semen on my buuuutt” and I’m like “ooooohhhh I thought I was dreaming…” Apparently i jerked off and came on this 23 year old’s ass in my sleep! I get her a wash rag from the bathroom, throw it at her ass and fall back asleep. The ride to her car the next was punctuated by her disdain for me putting on a Loverboy LP while drinking coffee. Enough said. Do not call list.
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Comments ( 19 )
I liked it. So much useful material. I read with great interest.
Cornelius added these pithy words on
Oct 14 09 at
3:38 pm
So she probably should be writing here about you, right? The asshole who wouldn’t fuck her and then jerked off on her in her sleep……. thats what I thought.
asshole added these pithy words on
Oct 14 09 at
4:54 pm
um… okay? sounds like she should be posting about you, not the other way around.
huh? added these pithy words on
Oct 14 09 at
5:06 pm
wait wait
so how is SHE the douchebaguette?
sounds like you have some self control issues, and a touch of douchiness, partner
what added these pithy words on
Oct 14 09 at
5:24 pm
These man stories are awful. No wonder why women need a site like this to vent. Only douchebag men who want to publicize there sexual conquests online are going to post. With a few exceptions. Ugh.
Tasha added these pithy words on
Oct 14 09 at
6:58 pm
I too am confused about what this girl did wrong, other than wanting to get with you. If I were her, the first thing I would have done when I got home the next day was write to sorrymom.
Also, 23 isn’t that young.
Tits McGhee added these pithy words on
Oct 14 09 at
8:27 pm
Dude, you jerked off on her ass while you were sleeping. That doesn’t make her the douchebaguette…
Becky added these pithy words on
Oct 14 09 at
8:30 pm
you sound like my dream guy, i dont know what these people are complaining about. you didnt bang her when you clearly could have, and you slept jerked off instead?! amazing! THEN you put on loverboy?! Turn me loose on this guy!
waffles added these pithy words on
Oct 15 09 at
12:15 am
wait wait wait. first you objectify her, then you jizz on her ass and don’t apologize? what the hell is wrong with you?
jeez added these pithy words on
Oct 15 09 at
1:00 am
Repost under Douchbag for this Bro Nameth. Pretty cool man, I bet it didn’t even happen like that
Lazerviking added these pithy words on
Oct 15 09 at
1:24 am
xcv added these pithy words on Sorry-Dad is just the douches on Sorry-Mom posting about themselves.
MochiHoshi added these pithy words on
Oct 15 09 at
5:11 am
wait what? So she was naked and brainless in your bed and you decided to fall asleep with a raging hard on instead of throw a condom on your staff sergeant and get to work? One of the worst sorry dads yet!
bobblahblah added these pithy words on
Oct 15 09 at
4:12 pm
seriously. this site needs to stick to women only. there’s a reason this site exists, and this post clarifies that.
Aros added these pithy words on
Oct 21 09 at
6:55 pm
i’m so glad you let her drive home drunk! and that you made her wipe off YOUR jizz that you so politely spewed on her behind. and loverboy? well at least you don’t get whiskey dick right? god forbid
etiquette added these pithy words on
Oct 22 09 at
10:45 pm
Um, dude, you are clearly the douche here. I didn’t know there were guys stupid enough to post in the first person!
Shazaam added these pithy words on
Oct 25 09 at
1:47 am
Also, if not liking Loverboy is your threshold for the Do Not Call list, then it sounds like she escaped just in time.
Stefan added these pithy words on
Nov 25 09 at
3:28 pm
